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by Shayera and John
Summary: Rogue seemed a little out of character in Uncanny Avengers. Unreasonable, militant, anti-Wanda... What if her behaviour was justified? What if she was hiding a terrible secret? Rated for darker, more mature themes that are strongly implied.


**Hey! Thanks for taking the time to read this! This is my first ever fanfic, so any reviews would be massively appreciated! Sorry its only a one-shot, you see I'm working on several Justice League fics that I hope to put up within the next few months, but this story just came into my head and I had to write it so, here it is! I personally felt Rogue was way out of character in Uncanny Avengers, and so this was my attempt to rationalise her behaviour. All characters are the property of Marvel comics, as is the brief quoted dialogue from Destiny, but the plot is mine! -Shay**

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Ah guess it was like any normal day, really.

Teachin' a load o' super-powered school kids.

Fightin' to save a world that hates and fears us, an' the rest.

Tryin' hard not to set the school alight. Again.

But ah felt something, knew something was off. Ah didn't take much notice, jus' left it on the back burner. But ah think, deep down, ah already knew.

So life continued. Fight, teach, fight some more. Save the world, try and catch a breather ev'ry now and then. It was just after the whole fortress x threat when ah finally did it.

Ah'd just seen Rachel, what was left of her anyway, and was on mah way back to the others when ah just ... stopped. It's almost like someone else was controlling mah body, like ah couldn't stop mahself from entering. Ah put on the helmet, like ah'd seen Charles or Jean or Rachel or Emma or the Cuckoos do countless times. Ah'd absorbed Rachel's ghost in effect, so had a tiny residue of her power. Almost nothing, really. But that was all ah needed: ah closed mah eyes then looked.

Not round the world, not even across the school- just in that very room. An' ah saw it, saw it clearly for the first time. So strong and yet so fragile, so terrifying and so comforting, but most of all beautiful. And ah knew then, for real.

Ah couldn't help but think of Destiny's words. She'd known, of course she'd known.

" _And when the time comes… and when you look inside yourself… … trust what you find there. What you feel. You're bound to the child in ways that matter."_

Ah didn't do anything though, didn't tell anyone. Not that there was ever the right moment, anyway. One crisis after another, barely time to think. Ah guess that was good, because truth was ah was too scared to think.

Ah saw them both a lot in that time. Almost let it slip once... but there was never any doubt who it was. Ah respected Magnus, he was a good man, a great man. But ah loved Remy. It was him, always him, when push came to shove.

In a way ah wish ah'd told him. Would he have been happy? Or scared? Or dismayed? Or disappointed, disapproving, disinterested? But ah guess it was better ah didn't, in the end. Save him the heartache, at least.

It was just after ah came back from the other world, the one Magik had sent me to. Ah was disorientated, sick and dizzy. The whole war going on didn't help. Ah arrived pretty late at night, so ah just found myself a clearing in the wood.

It was a calm place, peaceful. If ah'd have known... ah think ah would have still chosen it. So peaceful. Ah hope she knows how peaceful it was.

Ah honestly don't really know why it happened. Maybe the contact ah'd made with the vray and swarm did it, triggered something in me. Maybe it was the space jump. Maybe everything ah'd been doing, all the hits ah'd taken, just caught up with me. Whatever it really was, deep down ah just blame mahself. Mah powers... even under control, maybe when ah was sleeping, or maybe ah just can't…

But the pain, oh the pain. Ah'd never felt anything like it, not even the pain ah shared with people as the reaper came close. And the blood. So much blood. Ah didn't know what was happening, not at first. Then it was over, and ah felt so empty, like ah'd never felt before.

The next day ah went to a clinic. Quiet backwater district, so no one would know ah'd been, and no one would recognise me. Ah spoke to the nurse, she ran a few quick tests, and ah waited. She was real nice about it, and her eyes were so sympathetic, but that didn't ease the pain, the loneliness.

Ah must've wandered awhile in a daze, and that was when the others found me. They bought me up to speed, ah told em about the planet an' all. They could tell ah was a little off, but ah guess they just assumed it was shock and the journey. They had a plan, wanted to join the avengers and fight the Phoenix. But they were scared, worried.

People'll tell you there were a lotta reasons why they chose me as ambassador. Truth is, ah only volunteered because ah didn't really care what happened to me.

When ah saw the professor, ah instantly knew he knew something was up. Ah could see in his eyes a silent promise. After we deal with this, we'll talk Rogue. And ah would have told him, told him everything. Who knows, maybe ah would have even felt better for it. But instead ah watched him die, watched as Scott, driven mad by the Phoenix, killed him. Mah one shot at peace.

Ah couldn't bring mahself to go back to the school, not properly. Ah especially couldn't bring mahself to face him, it just hurt too much. So when offered ah jumped at the chance to be an avenger. New beginning, maybe it would help me bury... bury...

But then there was her, Wanda. Ah know this sounds horrible and petty, but ah couldn't stand to see her. Ah covered it, made out it was outta anger over M day. But in truth, it was because she had them. Thomas and William. That hurt so much, seemed so unfair.

Ah was pretty hard to get on with, ah won't lie. Stand-offish, cold and seemingly against the avengers. Ah know ah can't justify that, but ah was just hurting so much, all ah wanted was to lash out.

And then there was the incident, the alternate universe, and Wasp and Havok come back all teary eyed because they lost their daughter. And ah was so angry, ah wanted to grab them and shake them until they saw sense. You had a whole eight years with your daughter. Ah never even got to see mah baby's face...

 **So yeah, there it is! Thanks again for reading! Sorry if it was a bit sad, I feel kind of bad for writing it. Poor Rogue! But wait till you read some of my other fics, some other characters are going to have it much worse… but of course I write happy too! -Shay**


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